The Sacred Formula
Feel * Express * Connect
We have a larger agenda than survival or success. Our Soul is here in physical form to experience all that it knows conceptually. Mainly oneness. And the quickest, most effective way for the Soul to experience oneness is for us, its physical counterpart, to fully f e e l whatever we are confronting in any moment—joy, fear, love, sadness (any and every emotion, not only the ones we have deemed good or positive)—then to fully e x p r e s s those feelings (to ourselves, others or Life), and finally, to combine those two experiences in a way that allows us to authentically c o n n e c t with others through the feelings we have identified and expressed. This becomes a Sacred Formula. It is a process that can be articulated and activated, by which the Soul’s objective may be achieved.
The first two parts of the formula (Feel, Express) place you in touch with your True Self. They fuel the last part of the formula (Connect), which introduces the most authentic you to others. It is this connection with other human beings that produces our largest and most impactful experience of Oneness, causing us to realize that it is not theoretical, but actual.
We intuitively understand that Feel-Express-Connect is the Sacred Formula. We may not articulate it in precisely that way, we may not use those exact words, but we internally “get” the process. And that explains why it is something that we instinctively want to do—even though half the time we’ve been afraid of doing it.
I uncovered that formula through trial and error on my own journey, and it worked so well for me (it actually changed my entire life) that ever since, I’ve wanted to share it with everybody. So what I’ve done here is explain those steps, forging each of them into a separate process, so that you can apply this formula immediately in your own every day life.
To make the steps more memorable (and to me, more meaningful!), I’ve translated each of the three processes into my own unique “soul language,” calling them: Soulitude, Soulrender and Soulcialize. Here’s a description of them all:
Life’s real magic begins when we can distinguish between when we are experiencing feelings from the conscious or unconscious side of ourselves. It is then that we see we have the choice to either watch our emotional life happen or create it. The more aware we are that we actually have this choice, the more we choose to make it happen—by dealing with our feelings consciously.
The preliminary to everything is going within and feeling our feelings in order to take an emotional pulse on whatever is going on right now. This initially takes courage since, as observed earlier, most people live in fear of their feelings because they don’t know where the feeling of their feelings will take them.
If we ignore our feelings and continue with the moment at hand, sure, we can maintain our outward “unaffected” posture, the maintaining of which gives us the illusion of being safe, but this says nothing for authenticity. And we can only bury or ignore our inner truth for so long.
We can create more awareness around feeling our feelings by giving ourselves what I call, Soulitude. Soulitude is about being in a safe enough space (emotionally or physically) that you can feel all that’s inside and around you with such peace that you have a deeper understanding of yourself. Spending down time with your Self, alone in some way where you are consciously making an effort to identify your feelings not just by thinking about them, but through the feeling of them.
A natural time for this can often be found in the early morning or late evening hours, when the noises and busy energies of life dim to a level low enough to allow your inner voice to be heard. After connecting with yourself in this way frequently, you’ll begin to crave this time and look forward to it. This is a sign that you’re getting benefit from it.
We all find or experience Soulitude in different ways. It doesn’t really matter what you’re doing, because Soulitude isn’t about doing, it’s about being. It’s about letting go of your Mind and feeling into the moment with the fewest thoughts possible. For some people, this is meditation, for others it may be sitting out in the sunshine with a cup of tea in the morning, breathing slowly and listening to the birds. Or it could be taking a silent walk and appreciating the soothing pace of nature.
Identifying your feelings could involve simply writing from your heart without stopping to think or edit, pouring your emotions onto the page. Or maybe you’re staring at the ceiling while lying in bed—thinking of nothing, but suddenly feeling (at last!) and understanding everything.
Wherever or however it is that you find the emotional safety and peace that allows you to identify your feelings without thoughts interrupting—that is your place of Soulitude.
It’s one thing to feel your emotions, but an entirely different thing to engage your emotions through expression. We feel our feelings on the inside, and we express them out. Yet this does not necessarily mean expressing with others. It could mean with others, but it could also mean when we’re alone. Or it could be both, in sequence. Many people, however, feel ill-equipped to do either—and so do neither.
We all know how tormenting it can be to hold emotions inside. Whether it’s a feeling of loss and grief rolling through our heart and mind over and over, or a non-stop feeling of anticipation and excitement fluttering in our stomach (the feeling could be negative or positive), that emotion was not meant to sit idle. If we don’t release our feelings through expression, the energy of those feelings will remain trapped in our body.
As we’ve noted, all feeling is energy. That energy that can be sent outside of us or it can swirl around inside of us. The choice is ours.
When deeply held feelings are not released through full but controlled expression, all the energy of those feelings will eventually push its way out of us and, after being pent up inside for so long, can produce what is often referred to as people “blowing up,” or “snapping”—or, if it is a more positive energy, what is often referred to as people being “manic” or “giddily out of control.”
On the other hand, emotional energy that has not been held in, but released soon after a feeling first arises—not as an uncontrolled reaction, but as a response to how you feel inside in a loving way—is another matter. It produces healthy and rewarding results.
Emotions come alive through our acceptance of them. And by acknowledging your feelings through intentional expression you are bringing them out from within and giving them life. You are birthing your feelings.
But it takes courage to intentionally release feelings we’ve been holding in, or even to just express ourselves in an open, unedited way. The kind of courage that arises from a place deeper than the mind. I call this deep level of courageous surrendering, Soulrending.
The opportunity to Soulrender begins as soon as we allow ourselves to notice and acknowledge that we are running from expressing our feelings (of any kind). The process moves forward through our understanding that any struggle and anguish we may be facing around feelings is not a reflection of our personal capability to handle the feelings, but merely a result of the Mind’s resistance to actually expressing them.
Our Soul wants to connect so that it can experience the feeling of oneness. When we give ourselves permission to fully feel our feelings and then express them from a genuine and loving place, we always create more connection. This is the third part of the sacred formula and can be done naturally through what I call, Soulcializing.
Soulcializing is the daily practice of intentionally connecting with our Selves & others by being present with our feelings and being authentic with our expression. Being mindful of those around us and also mindful of how we are in reaction to them. Checking in with our energy, letting our walls & inner chatter drop and choosing to be present – then making an effort to connect by interacting in a real and comfortable way. Sometimes it’s simply looking at someone and saying hello, smiling, giving a compliment or striking up conversation. It doesn’t really matter what we are doing, but rather who we are being behind the doing.
It’s the kind of thing that happens naturally when we’re in a good mood, except this is different because the connection isn’t happening automatically, it is being created intentionally. Soulcializing is not about being a social person, it’s about being a soulful person. It’s not about being out physically, it’s about being “out” energectically and emotionally. Not having your outside go out, rather having your inside be out.