Tara-jenelle Answers

Anything going on in your life right now that could use a little Soul Courage?  If so, feel free to ask me a question in the Comment String below and I’ll guide you through a Soul Courage Response. 🙂

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  • Jennifer
    April 18, 2017 - 1:06 pm · Reply

    For years my mother and I have not gotten along. She is always critical of me. I get that it’s going to take “courage” for me to deal with this, but what specific tips can you offer, if any?

    • Tara-jenelle Walsch
      April 18, 2017 - 7:55 pm · Reply

      Hi Jennifer, I’m so glad that you reached out!

      Our family is a great place to practice soul courage because we care about them so much. It can also be one of the more challenging places to start, for this very reason. The fact that we love our family tends to make us more attached to the outcome of our relationship with them. This can sometimes hold us back from speaking our truth in any given situation because we don’t want to risk losing harmony with them.

      Your mother is likely critical of you because she loves you so much and wants the best for you. My thought is that she is unaware of how her behavior is affecting you, or she wouldn’t continue with it. She would not continue to consciously hurt someone she loves.

      You are not responsible for her behavior, she is—yet you are responsible for how you respond to her behavior towards you. Your response is ultimately teaching her how to treat you.

      One of my favorite quotes is by Eleanor Roosevelt, “No one can make your feel inferior without your consent.”

      In chapter 11 of my book, Soul Courage, I write about The Irony of Seeking Connection. One of the reasons that we allow others to treat us certain ways, regardless if it’s hurtful or not, is that we fear that expressing our truth will disconnect us. This fear is illusional, because when we share our truth in a loving way, it always deepens our connection with others. Even if the moment is initially uncomfortable, the relationship will ultimately be enriched.

      Trust in this concept and the next time your mother criticizes you, try moving through The Scared Formula; feel, express, connect. Instead of instantly reacting to her criticism, pause and really feel into what she is saying. Feel the hurt, rejection, disapproval—all of it. Then respond from a place of courage by expressing your feelings to her with sincerity.

      Tell her, in a calm voice that she will hear, that she may not be aware of her tone or the words she’s using, but that they don’t feel good to be on the other side of. Express to her that you take responsibility for your feelings and are clear that she cannot make you feel a particular way, but that nonetheless, you are left feeling hurt. Ask if she is willing to work together on communicating in a more loving way that can bring your both closer, not push you apart.

      Give her the floor to respond without interrupting. Really listen to what she has to say. You may be surprised at the value of her statements when they are spoken in a peaceful tone as an observation rather than criticism.

      Ignoring resistant or lower vibrational energy between you and another will not make it go away—just the opposite, the negligence feeds and heightens it. I realize that really feeling into all of this can be scary, but remember that fear of feeling your feelings is the body’s way of telling you there’s more going on inside your heart that’s waiting to be explored and felt.

      If you can reprogram yourself to have a “move toward” rather than a “move away” reaction to any fear of feeling, you will give yourself a reprieve from anxiety and pain, and experience a new sense of freedom and empowerment.

      And best of all — it will increase the depth of connection and joy in your relationship with yourself and others.

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